THUNDER!

There is thunder and lightening in his lips, Our God is an awesome God.

I just heard thunder outside and it reminded of this song.

I know I had asked my readers where and what they were doing five years ago. I will answer my own question, especially since it seems no one else reads my blog. But that is okay. I blog for me!

Five years ago, I was still reeling from a hard break in our church family! That seems such a long time ago and yet when I let myself think back, it still hurts. So, I try to look forward and not think back to those times.

I do have to say that though that is a hurtful time, it was also a very growing and maturing time! To say that I have changed is an understatement. Tollie and I were talking the other day and realized how much we have changed, especially spiritually. We are free in Christ! We don't worry so much any more. We don't feel like we have to walk on egg shells any more. We just enjoy worshipping God in everything we do and not just on Sundays!

I don't ever want to degrade or downplay our years at Westgate. They are precious years and precious memories and precious people! I love so many of them and miss them very much. Fortunately, we still have some of those people still in our lives! I would not want to go back though. I would feel stiffled and pushed down, like someone had their thumb on my head, pressing ever so hard to get me down! Does that make sense?

I can remember most that the last few years at Westgate were a struggle to keep my sanity. People were saying things about my mate that were unfounded, untrue and totally out of character for him. If they knew and loved him, they would know that. And in all that time, I kept thinking, can I make a mistake? Can we at least try other things to see if it works? Do we have to keep doing the same ole things and not growing? Why do we keep banging our heads against the perverbial wall?

At least now I know that if I have an idea, it will be listened to. Not that all my ideas will be done or tried and that is okay, but that I will be heard. That makes so much of a difference. And I know that people will take the truth and hold it high!

There are some things I want to change. I want to be more community minded. Yet, I am the one who did not sign up to do the Some Other Place Tasting. Why, I am not sure. But I find it hard to make those changes. Yet in five years, I have made milestone changes. When Tollie and I went to church with Mindy, it was a new experience for us. Something that five years ago would have been so hard for me to do. But I actually enjoyed the experience and want to learn from that experience.

Five years ago, I was in Beaumont, longing to know my grandbaby who was to be born in the next month! They were in Lubbock and we were 12 hours south in Southeast Texas! How in the world was I to be a grandmother 12 hours away? I prayed for three years for God to put us closer to my children! Never in a million years would I have guessed that my children would move to Beaumont! Thank you God for the experience to see my grandchildren anytime, and have them with me. To allow them to spend the night, see new and exciting things together, like movies, circuses and carosels.

Five years can bring a lot of changes and it has been that in my life. My children now live close, I have changed careers, going from doing medical transcription to managing a parts department to semi retirement. Now I work two days a week, doing fun jobs for an executive. I do genealogy work, publishing and printing calendars for the family and making menus for the family. I never know what project will come up next, but I find most of them fun.

I pray that your five years have found new growth and excitement in your life.

Blogging!

I am now blogging addicted! How did it happen? Well, I started doing my own blogging and looking at several other blogs. Now, I find that I can spend an hour reading other's blogs. I hardly have time to do my own blog.

I have found a connection in reading the other blogs and miss it when someone doesn't blog every day. I have my list and I go down the list and it seems that Monday's are always the day people decide to do other things besides blog. I find I click on a blog and go right to the next blog because there is nothing new to read. I especially find it disappointing when I continue to go to a blog and it hasn't changed in a week or even two! I want to ask where are they? Why haven't they blogged? It's like losing an old friend.

So.....in case there is anyone out there who is reading my blog, I don't want you to be disappointed and not find something new.

I have a new question and would like some feedback!

Where and what were you doing five years ago and how have you changed in these five years?

Start of a New Week!

Sunday has come and gone. The start of a new week! For many in our area, it is the start of a new school year. For some it is the end of summer and the beginning of school, a new job, a new relationship, many new things.

Do I have something new? Not really. I am still plodding on the same territory as I have plodded for many years. I have a two day a week job. I have three days during the week to do "my own thing", as long as that includes cleaning the house, washing clothes and mowing the lawn once a week! But I do have a lot of extra time, time to do what I want and usually that means cross stitching, especially since I am working on a special project at this time. I think I have plenty of time to get it done, but I want to make sure, so I work on it often.

I wonder sometimes if I have too much time on my hands. I seem to get down and depressed easily and I don't want to take medication all the time. I may start back on my depression meds to see if it will lift my spirit. But I hesitate to do that because it affects other things in my life, important things! So.....I will just continue plodding and praying for some relief.

RAMBLINGS!

Where have I been, you ask? I have not been at the computer long each day, just long enough to read my list of blogs and then rush off to work or wherever.

The kids are back in town and I got to see Ashton and Emma yesterday. They are growing as I type! I missed them and they had a good time on their trip.

I am reading a book now, "Blue Like Jazz". The reason I got the book and started reading it was because so many of the blogs I read listed it as a good read and one of their favorites. It is a good book with a totally different perspective on Christianity. I believe it to be a post modern definition for me.

I think it is funny how until I started blogging, I had not head the term post modern Christianity. I realized after starting to blog and read other blogs how unread and uneducated I have become. I am a smart person but I have tended to hide out in my own little world and be lost to the masses. That is not always a bad thing but in this case it caused me to feel left behind. I am enjoying catching up on reading the right now thoughts of those who I call brother and sister in Christ.

I will be away from my blog for several days as I travel with Tollie on his monthly trek to Tyler. I will enjoy being in the hotel and cross stitching, working feverishily to finish my project, watching old movies and letting someone else make the bed and cook the meal, not that I've done that too much lately. But it will be enjoyable anyway. But the best part will be being with Tollie. I don't like to be apart from him much and I don't like being home by myself away from him. So....it will be a good time with him.

Take care and hope you enjoy the rest of this hot month. School is about to start!

SATAN SPAM

It has occurred to me recently that I have been spammed twice! I received an e-mail from paypal concerning my account. I have received an e-mail once that stated I was trying to access my password. I didn't think too much of it. Then I get this e-mail that says I had added a new e-mail address. This I know I didn't do, so I was concerned and linked onto the link in the e-mail, thinking it was from paypal. After answering the questions it asked, I went on my merry way, but had a nagging feeling about it. Sure enough I researched it out again and realized it may have been a fradulent e-mail. I contacted paypal and sure enough it was a fraud e-mail. I had to go to my bank and get a new debit card and change everything in paypal. The link said it was going to paypal, but in reality when I clicked on the link, it went to a different source. So tricky and so underhanded.

Then the other day a cousin sent an e-mail concerning the ICE entry you put in your cell phone so that if you are in an accident the paramedics look there for In Case of Emergency number. Innocent enough and a good idea. Wrong! It is a phase one step of a several phase process to screw up your phone. Needless to say I repented and erased by entry quickly and notified those I had given this information to before. I don't like the idea that I have been duped so easily. But I have and now I realize how cunning and crafty these spammers can be.

Yet, I know Satan can be just as crafty and cunning and how often do I feel "spammed" by him? Not really that often. I know he is alive and well, but how often do I feel his presence in my life, trying to trip me up? Even though it is not often, I don't think it is because I am living such a Christian perfect life! I wonder if it is because I get so caught up in my living that I don't notice either Christ or Satan, just me! Of course, I guess that is one way Satan can spam us, cause us to get so caught up with ourselves.

So.....my goal today is to watch for spamming by the devil and make certain my eyes and thoughts are on Christ so I don't presume I am okay.

Interesting Weekend!

We went to Austin this weekend to be with our youngest daughter. Her boyfriend was there for a visit for one day, from Missouri! We had ice cream with them on Friday night for about an hour's visit. It was good. Unfortunately, he had to leave on Saturday to get back to his job and preach on Sunday morning. But the hour we had with him and Mindy was quality time! It was enjoyable and we want to spend as much time with them as we can.

Life has interesting twists all the time. I had blogged earlier concerning my decisions to make of whether to go to Austin this weekend or skip out and go to Lubbock for my aunt's funeral. I chose to go to Austin to spend time with Trent and Mindy and especially Mindy. I think it was the right decision! Sometimes, I wonder, but this time I believe it was the right decision.

We went to church with Mindy on Sunday morning. It was interesting to say the least. We know this is where Mindy is suppose to be at this time in her life. Is it where we would go if we lived there? Probably not, but for her, it is a good place. Gateway Community Church is full of life for the unchurched. Tollie and I were able to see the distinct differences in the way they think and what we are use to thinking in a church. What I mean by this is, it was obvious they have a heart for the unchurched and conduct their services geared to that. The music is loud and active. Although we were surprised it was paticipatory and not just entertaining. That was refreshing! They do not have communion. I can see their choice in not having it. I am sure their thinking is that they do not want any sign of "religion" so they stay clear of the rituals that might give that appearance. Mindy says they do have communion on a Sunday night service once a month. This would bother me, as I feel bonded to those I worship with during communion. I would miss this. I think it is an important part of my worship. Do I think they are going to hell for not having punched their ticket? No......anymore than I think someone is going to hell for having communion at other times than Sunday service! But I do think I would miss out on an important time of bonding for me. Bonding with sisters and brothers in Christ and with God!

It was apparent Mindy has made her mark there as she introduced us to others. The first was a young lady in her small group. (She is the leader of the small group.) Another was some young gentlemen she just said hi to. Then she introduced us to a man that had rave reviews for Mindy and her babysitting abilities. You knew she had impacted that family with her smile and grace! Then there was a young man in one of the children's classes. Later she told us he had asked her out and confessed his liking for her. She told him she had a boyfriend!

I am so proud of Mindy. It would be hard as a single young lady to go to a large church (they have three services on Sunday morning and adding another one soon) and participate and find your nitch. But she has and it is apparent she is enjoying herself. She told me later that at times during the service she thought she would check on us to see if we were okay but decided to just worship and let us worship in our own way.

We were fine. I did find myself crying, like I do often at Christ Covenant at the beginning of the service. I am not sure what brings the tears. Sometimes I think it is a longing for old ways but then I think it is just emotion for new ways! Does that make sense? Probably not because I don't know why in reality. But I thank God for the ways I have grown and am growing and I ask for continued understanding. I do think I have become more open minded and for that I am thankful. Mindy has parents who are not condemning of her ways and I am proud that I can say that. I did find myself wondering about some of the people at Gateway, but I also found that it is okay if they don't have it all together, because neither do I! That is refreshing and I am thankful for that revelation in my new life.

Have a great week and I give God the praise for children, friends, family and travel!

Gone Home!

I talked with my dad today. Daddy is speaking at the funeral for my 96 year old Aunt Virgie. Virgie raised daddy from the time he was eight when his mother died. There are only two siblings of the 12 children left living at this time. There are numerous neices and nephews.

I am praying for my dad today as he is wanting this day to be a rejoicing that Virgie is home. She lived a long, useful life of service to others. He wants others to know what Virgie did for others and how she impacted all those she came in contact with.

Daddy was telling me about the dress they bought for Virgie to be buried in. Virgie had asked that she have a long sleeved blue dress. Of course, today the designs are not like what Virgie wore. They don't even make those kind of dresses any more. So Mother and Daddy had a hard time finding what they could afford and what would be appropriate for Virgie. They finally ended up at Dillards and a little sales girl (as my dad called her) helped them find what they needed. As they were looking she would go get something for them to see. They finally found a dress for about $70.00 and were about to decide on that one when she came back with a beautiful little dress. I say little because my aunt was always small but she was down to about 55 lbs. when she died. The size had to be really small. She came back with a dress small enough and it was marked at $10.99. Daddy was confused when he saw the tag say $80.00 but then saw the 10.99. She assured Daddy it was only 10.99. They were very pleased and Daddy made sure he got her name and will contact Dillards on way she helped them at this time.

Thank you, Lord for taking this burden from my parents. You have been faithful them for such a long time in helping with so many of their burdens. Mary was a blessing, Sanders Funeral home is a blessing and now this young girl at Dillard's is a blessing. I only ask that you give my dad composure appropriately at the funeral today. Help him do the job he wants to do for Virgie. I am thinking of him and wanting to be there so badly. So give us all peace!

Torn Between Two Choices!

Torn Between Two Choices! That's a song? Well, anyway, it is like being torn between two lovers! I have been torn the last few days, do I go to Lubbock for my aunt's funeral or stay here and go to Austin to have breakfast with my daughter and her boyfriend? This may not sound like a great choice but for me it turned out to be a huge decision. At one point, I was going to Lubbock, then on Monday night, decided not to go. I awoke Tuesday morning with the determination that I was going and called my sister to say I was and would let her know how and when. I worked all morning Tuesday trying to coordinate my flights for going and coming home before too late on Friday. The flights to come home were early Thursday or Saturday. The funeral is at 2:00 pm Thursday and I have to be in Austin Saturday. I could drive it, but why drive 12 hours and be beat when I arrive and beat when I return and then head to Austin?

Have you gotten the picture that Austin is a sure thing? It is. It is very important to me to spend whatever time we can with Trent and Mindy. Afterall, it is a future we are talking about here! By going to Lubbock, I am going not for Virgie, she is gone. I would be going for myself and for my parents. If going for my parents then I can go later, next month and spend more than one day with them. By doing that, it serves both. So....that is how I made my decision.

Now, my question is after praying about this and making this decision, did God give me the answer or did I just figure it out? This is where I would really like for God to have a direct line for answers like this one. Which is best, God? What advantages do you see, because you can see so much better than I can, for doing one over the other? Both decisions were right in their own way but finances did not allow me to do both. Not this time! At least not in my mind!

I have to say I appreciate my son-in-law so much. As I was explaining all this to him after class tonight, he said we could leave tonight and he would take me all the way to Lubbock and then Cheryl could bring me back to Abilene and he would take me to Austin. He was serious! I appreciated his offer, but I will stay home and let them leave for Abilene tomorrow when they had planned. He was willing to give up his plans for me. (Now, how can you get mad at someone for something like that?)

So.....here I sit wondering if Cheryl and Terrie made it to Lubbock, wondering how my parents are doing, wondering what relatives have come and who decided not to come and what cousins will I miss seeing? I will call my parents in the morning and wish them well for the day and give them my love. I will work tomorrow and then leave Friday to spend an hour with Mindy and Trent and then have Saturday night and Sunday with Mindy and come home. In a few weeks, I will go to Lubbock and spend more than one day with my parents and you know what? Life will go on and we will all be okay.

Tribute to my Aunt Virgie

Virgie Novice Christian died yesterday at 96 years of age in Lubbock, Texas. She was the 6th child of 12 born to John and Alice Christian in 1909. Alice Christian died when Virgie was only 22 and Virgie's quest in life became that of her mother's, to keep the family intact. Virgie became "mother" to her five younger siblings, including my father, George. George was the baby of the family and Virgie virtually raised him after his mother's death. George was eight years old.

Virgie took on this new responsibility to care for the family, giving up her own personal dreams and ambitions in life.

I remember my aunt Virgie as a loving, caring, small woman. She was allergic to tomatoes! My dad would sometimes pick up Virgie on Saturday and she would spend the evening with us, eating supper and spending the night and then going to church with us the next morning. This was significant to me because Virgie was the only person in my daddy's family, "like us." In other words, she was the one I saw as a Christian and everyone else just went to church somewhere. It must have been through her and her raising of my dad that he was a Christian. I found out later in life that many in Dad's family came to know Christ through a friend of the family.

My aunt Virgie worked at a dry cleaners for many years. She walked every where she went in Lubbock. She never learned to drive a car. She either walked, rode the bus or someone in the family picked her up. One year, I was driving a church van and saw Virgie walking home from work. I stopped to pick her up and she scolded me for driving such a large vehicle. I was too small to drive something that big!

The only other time I remember Virgie scolding me was when I named my daughter Jamie. She didn't like the name Jamie. It reminded her of a little boy in school who teased her and was mean. She was afraid Jamie would be that way because of her name!

As Virgie aged and "retired" she spent a lot of time alone. She lived in an apartment complex with her apartment an efficiency. She never seemed to have much. She quilted some and had a sewing machine. The family she lived with when she retired gave her a TV for her many years of service. I think back now and realize how many years she was alone. All of her life was service to other people.

When Virgie was unable to live alone anymore, there was only three brothers left to care for Virgie and make the decisions of where she would be placed. Shortly, there were only two brothers to make this decision. Virgie had begun to have dementia and it was dangerous for her to live alone. Virgie went to live with my mom and dad for a time. But my mother's health made this difficult and it would not be long before Virgie needed more care.

My dad was able to locate a woman named Mary who was starting a home for caring for elderly and affirmed. She would only take ambulatory residents and would be happy to have Virgie. Virgie was the first to move into the home. It was a great place and there would be room for three others. Mary reminded my dad sometimes that she could only care for ambulatory patients and as Virgie aged he might need to think of other arrangements. But that day never came.

Virgie was taken to the hospital on numerous occasions and my dad would be told that this was probably the end. I remember one time when dad called to say that the doctors thought she would be gone in a day or two. Virgie was just sleeping and would not eat. About two days later, my dad went to the hospital to find Virgie sitting up in bed, eating and when he walked he, she stated, "hi, George." We all marveled, even the doctors, as Virgie returned to Mary. Our thoughts were all collective as we said, "she will outlive us all."

As Virgie became less able to care for herself, Mary took care of her more and more. She bathed, diapered and fed Virgie. In the last few years, Virgie had become totally bedridden. Mary never talked again of Virgie leaving as she loved Virgie.

Mary was a God send for my parents. Mary took care of Virgie like her own child. When I was in Lubbock in March, I went to see Virgie. As we entered her room, it was a bedroom with a hosptial bed. Unlike the smells and dingy-ness of a nursing home, it was very pleasant. My dad had not been able to get any response from Virgie in several months. Virgie would just lay, sleep and occasionally eat what Mary could coax her to eat. When I arrived, my dad went to her bedside and spoke loving words to her and told her I was there. I went to her other side and talked with Virgie and shortly, she turned her head, looked at me and smiled. She turned to my dad and said, "she is so pretty." As we were leaving, we both told Virgie we loved her and she mouthed the words, "I love you" back to us. With tears in my eyes, I suspected then that would be the last words I would hear from my aunt Virgie. I believe they were probably the last words my dad heard as well.

This sums up my Aunt Virgie. As she lay withered and dying, she was thinking of others. Virgie always knew my dad when he would visit. She would sometimes get confused who my mother was, but she always knew George.

Yesterday, my dad lost his sister, but he also lost his "mother". Virgie was a selfless, wonderful, Christian who is now at home.

Thank you Lord for the quiet spirit of my aunt Virgie. She touched lives as she lived quietly for you. She may not be known far and wide but she was known and loved by those around her.

Goodbye Virgie and I will see you when I come home!

CASA

I am posting the pics from the CASA Carnival and hope you enjoy seeing my grandchildren. These pics are my grandkids who came to the carnival towards the end of it. They had a short but good time there. The right pic is Emma and her dad and the left one is Ashton and her mom. It was a fun time.

CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate. It is a volunteer based organization where a judge appoints a person to the voice for the child. These are children who have been taken from their home for various reasons. Sometimes the children are returned home and often they are placed in permanent care of CPS or adopted. The volunteer spends time researching what is the best course of action for the child. It is not always easy to find the best course but it is desired.

Didn't my son-in-law do a good job on the backdrop? He drew the mermaid and sea monster free handed and painted most of it. I did some touch up painting. I did the sea shells, the scales on the mermaid and brightened up the monsters face. It was fun to do and I think we make a good team. Thanks again, Paul. You really came through for me!

Great Friends, Good Food

We went last night to eat with some dear friends. We went to Esther's and had a great time. We enjoyed the company of "catching" up on the summer happenings and then we watched the alligater and catfish eat bread pieces. We drove down a dusty road and took pictures of the old "Rainbow Bridge". We checked out crayfish crates but decided not to take any home with us. Then an executive decision was made and we went to Marble Slab. By the way, Dixie, the resturant in Groves was Ellee's! I tried to call you last night but you must have been on the phone. I figure you were talking with Mary!

What a night. After all that eating and talking, we came home and had a nice quiet time home together. Seems our nights of outings and then quiet times have not been as often lately. We have been so busy and so entrenched in the summer, we just go, go, go and then go to bed exhausted. So even though yesterday was a full day, we really enjoyed the evening!

Yes, the CASA carnival was great. The kids really seemed to want their pictures. We had a couple glitches that caused us to lose our rhythm in taking and printing the pictures and then we got so far behind printing that a lot of the kids didn't get their pitcures. We hope to mail them or have some one come by the office to get them. Toward the end, we figured out the best way to take the pictures, download them to the computer and then work to get them printed. By then it was so late but now we know the best way for next year!

I am so thankful Tollie was with me and didn't go to the unity conference in Dallas! I would have never made it without him. I am also thankful to Paul for painting the back drop and glad the girls and their mom, Jamie came to the carnival. Even though they were at the last of it and didn't get to do much, including eat hot dogs!, they had a great time. CASA is such a great orgnization. It is there to help kids and helping kids, they do best! I will have pictures and more about CASA tomorrow.

Today, the Lord's day. The day we set aside for worshiping in a group to the Father of all. As I have said in the past, I refuse to call our gathering "church" and I hesitate to say we are going to worship. I am the church and I worship in every thing I do. So I am going to meet with my family of God and there we will all worship together.

Have a great week!

CASA and the Carnival

CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate. I am a CASA volunteer and I work with a child who has been removed from her mother and placed and with CPS. I am the "voice" of the child. I search and research out the best possible options for the child. I present these options to the court and the judge uses my presentation to help him make his decisions. It is an awesome and resposible job that gives back a lot of fulfillment in the process.

I have only been a volunteer for about 1 1/2 years. I am still working on the same case at this time, but when this one is resolved (and hopefully that will be in the next six months) I will take on another case. I say I hope this one resolves because when a case resolves it means the child has a permanent home and hopefully that is where the child can grow and mature in the best situation.

CASA is having their summer carnvial tomorrow. We did last year's carnival and although it was hot and seemed a long morning, it was a great event. We have a booth and last year the booth was not that exciting. I am hoping this year's booth is fun! We are doing picture taking. I enlisted the help of my son-in-law and my husband to build me a backdrop and have the kids put their face in the body of a mermaid or a sea monster and we will take their picture. I hope to have pictures put here on Monday for you to see what I am talking about.

I am just praying the rain holds off tomorrow. Not that rain would be all that bad, especially a little sprinkle to cool things down but I am afraid my backdrop could run if it rains. We did it in acrylic paints and I don't want to lose the picture!

Have a great weekend. I plan to.

I Am Late

I am late for work this morning. I don't really have a definite time to get to work, but I do try to get there by 10:00. I only work on Tuesdays and Thursdays and this morning I am going to be late.

I am working on a backdrop for taking pictures at the CASA carnival this Saturday. My son-in-law is to come today, I think this evening, and paint the picture. I want a beach scene with a mermaid and a sea monster. I will cut out the faces of them and have the children put their face in place and take a picture. Then they will have the picture to take back with them.

I will write more tomorrow and explain more on CASA and what we do and what I have learned from doing it. Also, some comments on a book I am now reading. Interesting things happening, come back and share with me.

I Fixed It

The fuse was the ac problem. I popped out the old fuse and put in a new fuse. The air was cold and it blowed hard! It cost a whole $1.28 to fix. Thank you, Lord.

No New Revelations

There are no new revelations this morning. My eyes are dry, my tears have stopped but I have a huge headache. I am not looking forward to putting my headache in a hot car, but I only have to go to the bank, the auto store for a fuse (that will hopefully fix the ac), and to work. Then after work I have a hair appointment. Interesting day coming!

What Am I Doing Wrong?

I think I have posted in the past regarding my challenge my daughter and her boyfriend gave to me to ask God for the money for my dental surgery. If you have been reading lately, you know that not only did I not get the money provided, but the same amount needed was required for our van before vacation. My question then was did I not pray right or was God not listening or misunderstand me?

Now my question today is what is God trying to tell me? We loaned our van to our kids, long story with some strong feelings there, but at any rate, I was to drive our 1972 Olds Cutlass convertible for the next few days. (Pictured here). That is not a real problem other than it is hard to start when it has not been driven in a long while and if it is raining or bad weather, we don't like to get it out. There was hesitation when we thought the hurricane Emily was coming our way but when she was headed to Mexico it was going to be okay to drive.

I did drive "Bessie" today and she did fine until I got in her to come back home. The air conditioner stopped working. That usually would not be a problem except for the fact that July and August in Southeast Texas are the hottest times of the year. For the few miles I had to travel, I was dripping wet with sweat by the time I got home. Mainly, it is just frustrating.

Then my frustration is stronger when I have planned for over a month now to do a backdrop for my CASA carnival this Saturday and have asked my family to help me with it. Of course, now that I don't have the van, I have been asked to wait until Thursday to get the plywood and then it will be painted. I am not the person who waits until the last minute. Then my darling dear husband who left town this morning suggested that we could still take the pictures even without the backdrop. Sounds easy, but the tears have been flowing for the rest of the evening. I politely and as calmly as I could, let him know that I told my committee I would have a backdrop and the idea I had for the backdrop and I'll be darned if I don't have the backdrop, one way or another, if I have to buy one.

So...my question today is what I am suppose to be learning here Lord? I have asked for help and it seems I am getting no where? Everything seems to be turning toward me rather than for me. I don't like to feel sorry for myself, but I am having a hard time today trying to figure all this out. And the best I can do today is to cry and go to bed.

So, hopefully, I will have brighter eyes and emotions in the morning and God will provide some answers for me.

Back in the Saddle

Well, I am back in the saddle again. I am doing great from my dental surgery, ready to get the stitches out tomorrow but not pain and feeling okay.

My company came and went. They were to be here for several more days, but due to circumstances at their church, needed to get back to services on Sunday and take care of things there. I understand. Saddened, but I understand. It was great to have them here. They seem to always enjoy themselves and relax and soak in the gentleness of our sweet time together. I soak them in and wish for the wisdom they both have.

I have a mission this week. I am calling our family doctor with questions and hopefully get some answers to questions that are plaquing me. We need to know if Tollie needs an ENT doctor or an audiologist. Also, if we can get a PET on him done in the near future. Tollie had a melanoma years ago and now with history in the family of a brain tumor (his dad), I want to do preventive things to protect his health. So......hopefully, I will get some answers this week.

Today was a great day at services. Jerry did a great job on a sensitive topic and after my prayer before arriving, I did okay and in fact am quite proud of myself. I have some issues and I am working on them and God is helping me focus on them.

Jamie is leaving today for Dallas for a conference for school. Tollie leaves for Tyler in the morning for his usual monthly trek. I am staying home and will work on Tuesday. I have started my new book, (recommended by Gina to read) called Now, Discover Your Strengths. I am anxious to find my strengths and then try to find my ninch in my work environment and with my church family. I also got the book "Blue Like Jazz" that I have read so many reading and I will try to finish my books, Set Me Free and the other by Cecil Hooks that has the writings of Carl Ketcherside and Leroy Garrett in them.

I also need to go get my plywood today. This is the last day to have Tollie here to help me with it. Then, I need to get Paul over here to start working on it and we will get it done by this weekend.

Have a great week, I plan to.

Swollen but feeling okay

I woke up this morning with a tight jaw, tight cheek and tight neck. I am swollen from my dental surgery and it looks like Tollie slugged me in the jaw. But I feel okay. I was real tired yesterday but feeling much better today.

Thanks for the prayers for my recovery and the calls and well wishes. I have spent the last two days sitting in a chair, watching TV and cross stitching. Today, though I have to get the house ready for company.

I have company coming!!!! My best friend in all the world is coming to see me. They will be here this evening and I have to clean the bathrooms, clean the floors and get ready for them to be here. I have to work in the morning, ugh!!! But I have to go because I have not been in two weeks and I have to get some hours in so we can eat!!! But that will give them time to sleep in and take their time enjoying the quiet. Sometimes you just need to get to a new location and veg out. I hope they will enjoy that. I can see them now, sitting on the porch and enjoying the morning with their coffee and book. That's what they like.

I want to thank God for the good report my friend had from her biopsy. Everything was benign. No more surgery. That is a relief.

I hope to get back to blogging regularly and insightfully next week. My friends will leave Monday morning, Tollie will leave for Tyler Monday morning and I will be here all alone. That might be a blessing! So.....until next week have a great week and weekend. See you then.

Okay

Well, we are back home from vacation. I want to tell you lots about our vacation but I don't want to dis Tennessee. However, we were very disappointed in Tennessee. We took the grandkids to the zoo and after paying an arm and a leg to get in, we found there were no girafees, the elephants had a sort of new home and you could not see them very well, the zebras and antelope were so far removed you could not see them. We did see lots of birds and some monkeys. It was a pretty walk through the one section where the bamboo was growing and the trees were thick, but that was about all the good we can say about the Nashville Zoo.

And then the hotel in Nashville was so tiny it was hard to fit four adults in much less two children to boot. But we made it through. We took the kids to the Adventure Science Center and it was great but there were so many kids there it became almost scary to try to keep up with our own. It was over stimulating. In fact, I noticed just before we left that Ashton, my oldest grand daughter was running from event to event without really stopping. It was like she was running on overload and didn't know how to stop. I began to notice as we were leaving that many of the other kids were doing the same thing.

The planaterium was okay but the video they showed was about light pollution, not about the stars. We went to see stars and astronomy, not astrology. So.....needless to say Nashville is not the place for us to vacation again.

We spent one night in Memphis and it was great. The hotel room, (same brand as in Nashville) was so roomy and spacious. It was great. I think if we ever go back that way, which we probably will since in-laws live in Kentucky, we will probably do Memphis and bypass staying in Nashville.

It was good to spend some time with the in-laws. They are trying to recoup and doing well considering the surgery Gene went through. But he has a long way to go. I think we need to go back sometime and help them clean out the yard, barn and garage and take away some of the things they no longer need. Another time we will do that.

Can you believe we were with our daughter, son-in-law and two grand children for a whole week and we came back in one piece and all were happy. I will say that by the end of the last day we were all tired. Afterall we had traveled from Memphis to Beaumont. We really made good time considering we did not leave Memphis until noon. We arrived in Beaumont, after leaving the kids off in Lumberton, about 11:00. So we really did well. It was a good vacation.

Considering gas prices rising as we traveled, a hurricane coming in where we had been and no money to really spend on vacation, we did really well.

I said earlier I would let you know how my challenge to not put my dental surgery on the credit card went. Well.....my surgery is in the morning and I have no resources but the credit card. Unless God chooses to send me some money that I don't know about, I will be putting the cost on the credit card. If you read my blog you will see that two days before we left for vacation, we had to put the van in the shop and it cost about $900. Is it me or is it odd that the amount I was asking God to provide me with was the same as the cost of having the van fixed. Did I have a bad connection to heaven? Did God misunderstand my need and charged me the amount I was asking for?

Of course I am saying all this in jest and know quite well that God does provide and it will work out. Just not like I had hoped and not sure I understand what I am suppose to do with the challenge. But I still have a strong faith and I know that in the end, it will all work out. I just have to laugh sometimes to keep from crying.

This week will be good inspite of having dental surgery tomorrow. My best friend in all the world is coming to see me on Thursday. It will be a good week.

Back Home

I am back home. Have been using today to attend a funeral, catch up on washing clothes, taking a nap and now reading blogs and writing my blog.

Not sure I will get everything done today but trying to take it easy.

I will write more, when I am in a writing mood about the vacation. I really need to consider my words and what I write about so I don't upset or dis anyone!

Rained this afternoon and made for a great nap time.

Getting back into the swing of things takes time. Will see you again tomorrow!

The Challenge!

I just had to blog this!

God has always taken care of us. We have yet to go hungry. We've never not paid our debts -- maybe late but never missed payments.

We have certainly had our challenges in life. The week I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter, Tollie had a pay cut. We made it though it was tight for a while. About a year later, we looked into a move. Good thing because the day we flew to the interview, Tollie was let-go from his job. So....we moved 630 miles -- to the armpit of Texas. Certainly not our first choice, but home.

After being in our new home for a year or so, we were faced again with a let-go. Tollie had been told of a company move and he would move, but then after we came back from vacation, everything had changed and he would not be moving with the company. Tollie called a business acquaintance concering a possible job. He was willing to hire Tollie, in fact anxious to have him join his company, but he did not have any openings at the level Tollie was at. Tollie accepted the job anyway, knowing two things. First that any job is better than no job and secondly, it is easier to get a job if you are currently working. Tollie was called after a couple of days and asked by his new employer if he had been praying. With an emphatic "yes", he was informed that a great job opened up and it was offered to him. Tollie thankfully accepted -- giving all the thanks to God. I guess you could say it was a "God thing" as Tollie has been with the company for almost 30 years.

I could recount other stories -- like our buying a house, a dream house, that worked like it was meant to be. Or the time we were living on credit cards and decided that was not smart and melted all the cards. I was not certain how we would buy groceries the next month. Like I said -- we have never gone hungry!

So believe me, I know God takes care of us. I know He will provide our needs, even the wants at times. So it didn't seem that difficult when Mindy's boyfriend, Trent, (through Mindy) challenged me to allow God to work out the payment for my dental surgery. I had planned to put the charges on my credit card and in our talking, Mindy encouraged me to trust knowing God would provide a way. Sure, I thought! We are going on vacation and I will trust that he will find a way.

This week has not be a good week. Satan has been very active! First of all, a payment I had anticipated coming in and was going to use for vacation, has not arrived. So....savings will be pilfered for the cash for vacation. Then yesterday, I was headed downtown and as I entered the freeway, the "service engine soon" light came on and the van started running rough at the same time.

Rememeber, this is the van we are taking on vacation, in the morning! I went to the Ford dealer closest to me and they could not take it. So I travelled 20 miles to Mid-County and am sitting here now --- telling my tales. They will get to it this afternoon, so I am waiting on a ride back to my home. I figure the cost is going to be between $250 to 350$. I am guessing an oxygen sensor has gone bad.

So I am tyring to figure out where that money is coming from as well as the $950 for my dental surgery, when we return.

I have even suggested we not go on vacation! However, we are going to check on my husband's parents. This is important -- my father-in-law had brain surgery a couple of months ago. So really there is not the option of not going.

The Lord is going to have to figure all this out, as I see no way of not using the credit card. Stay tuned to find out how He works it all out!

Going on Vacation!

Monday came and went and I didn't even get to post! It has been a crazy day and I think today will be just as crazy. We are trying to get ready to go on vacatin and I am not taking the time to post in the next few days of prep. So.....I will be gone from this post for a little over a week. I am trying to think of everything for vacation and even think for my husband and grown children, who are going with us! That is taking up most of my time these days.

Also, it is at the end of the month and I have CASA reports to do and I am working today and I am already tired before really getting started. I wish I had some help but I know they, my husband and child, don't think like I do and don't prepare like I try to do. So.....I will continue to try to think for them and just not get upset. I was hoping we could leave early Thursday morning, but now I realize it may be noon before we get out of here and that will be okay. Well, not really okay but it will be okay. We have a long way to go that first day, all the way to Tusculoosa, Alabama and with kids traveling with us, it will be a long day.

I will not be posting for probably the whole time we are away. So see you in a little over a week and happy summer to you.

I will explore those things I am thinking and mulling around when I return. Hope you return with me.

35 Years Today!

I was a teen in love. I was goo-goo-eyed over the tall handsome, blue eyed boy that was my friend in band. We laughed a lot. We kissed a lot! We even cried when we discussed the differences in our "religions." We were both cofc but he was from the background of non sunday school and I was just your regular cofc. We made decisions based on much prayer and communication. We worked through our understandings at the time to emerge stronger and more in tune with each other and our faiths. We found our own ground in the Lord, standing together.

My how time flies! It was only yesterday it seems that I was standing at the altar, singing with this young man who made my heart flutter at the slight look, or the touch of the hand on my arm. We were so in love.

The greatest thing, we are still in love. In fact that love has so matured and grown that even when we are angry, sad, irritable, we still love each other. There is so much security in our relationship. We still enjoy each other's company and I still get a flutter when he touches me. We share so much. Our lives, our hopes, our dreams and our hearts.

I sometimes worry that my larger body bothers him, but he assures me we are both different and have changed over the years. We are happy to be in the same room together, whether we are talking, watching TV, reading in bed, or sitting on the porch and watching it rain. We are in sync. We love each other. We play well together. We were made for each other!

Thank you God for the treasure in Tollie that you gave me 35 years ago. I pray I have polished and nurtured and loved this treasure and that you will give me more than 35 more years to love this man.

No Time Today

I don't have much time today. I have to go to work and publish our pictorial directory. It is ready to go to print and it will probably take a couple of hours to print, cut and bind it. But I think it will be well worth the effort to put pictures of "our family" in the hands of all the members. When you merge two churches together, there are two separate families and we need every tool available to get us to one family.

I have some thoughts rolling around and will probably spend some time on Monday exploring these thoughts and hope you come back then to explore with me.

Tomorrow is 35 years! Wow, that is a long time to be with the same man. I am madly in love with my best friend. That is the fun stuff.

Till Monday!

Communication

I have been concerned, over the past few weeks, for the health of my mate. Tollie has not felt well from a cough that has lasted a long time and wears him out. He has gone to the doctor and is on medication. Part of the problem is the medication tends to smooth him out.

Our daughter noticed and brought to my attention recently that Tollie seems to "fade" when in a crowd. I had noticed it but her mention seemed to magnify what I already felt.

So.....we had a talk last night. A short one, not serious, not deliberate, but just talking. I voiced my concerns and he listened and we discussed possible causes and problems. Did we find solutions? Not really. Only possible solutions.

So why do I feel better today? We connected by our discussion. And the connection was more important than answers to our questions. Communication does connect us.

I know I need to be better at communication with my brothers and sisters at church as well. I have so long isolated myself for fear of hurt. My old tapes play and I don't want to go down that road again so I gently go on my merry way and watch from the sidelines. But this is not enough! I have to get in the game and bring along side me those in my circle and communicate/connect. Words are very powerful.

Back Ache, Work

I have a back ache this morning and have to go to work. For me, this is a choice. I only work two days a week and sometimes the two days seem like two long weeks. We are getting ready to go on vacation and I am ready. I seem to take all day to get a few things done. I want to think it is the summer heat keeping me down, but I am not sure what is happening.

Could I be getting lazy? I hope not, but I sure need to a get a fire under me. I just seem to get the have to things done and then sometimes not even that. Hopefully, today will be filled with getting a lot done. So.....I guess I better get started.

Drought in Texas

We are having a drought. It has not rained in a week and the temp has been in the mid 90's and the humidity has been down as low as 40% for a whole day. That is really unusual for Southeast Texas. It started out being hot, mid 90's in June. That usually doesn't happen until the end of July and August. It makes us wonder what it will be like in August! Hotter!?! I sure pray we get some relief soon.

Have you ever had a drought in your spiritual life? A time when there seems to be a ceiling right over your head that prayers cannot penetrate. A time when prayers come few and far between. A time when others around you are smiling and enjoying life and all you have is a gray cloud right over your head, causing the downturn of your mouth. A "mood" that cannot be laughed away. A funk so funky, you wonder if it will ever get better.

I have been in a spiritual drought for several years. We had a wonderful family where we had worshipped for 20 years. It seems that "family" turned inward and no matter how hard we tried to fight it, we could not get past perceptions. Perception or impression is an attitude or understanding based on what is observed or thought........often without knowing facts. There were people who perceived we had a belief contrary to our lives. But their perception was real to them. They could not get past it and everything they said or did was filtered through this perception.

It happens with teens. It happens between husbands and wives. It happens in churches. A perception can be so strong as to accuse, destroy, or be libal against another person.

I have finally begun to emerge from my drought. Little by little, the rain is quenching the thirst. It has been in spurts, not a deluge of a storm so I cherish every minute of the sprinkles. I think I need to change my perception as well! I can't accuse others of filtering through their perceptions without realizing I have my own.

Will it be hot in August? You bet, but can I depend on it being hotter than now because my perception is that if it is already hot in June it will be hotter in August?

What are your perceptions that need to be changed?

Summer is Here!

Summer is certainly here and is unusally hot and dry in Beaumont. In fact, yesterday I noticed the clock I have outside in the back yard had a dial that read DRY. It was far removed from the humid point and very noticably different position than usual. I watered the yard all day long and each time I moved the water to a new location, it smelled like I remember in Lubbock when it would rain. We are DRY! Please, Lord, send rain.

I enjoy spring the best. I think one of the reasons I enjoy it so much is the newness of everything. The plants come out with new buds, the birds are busy making new families, and the weather is so pleasant, especially after a hard winter. I think the best part is the chance to make new again.

I am so thankful my Lord gives me the chance to make new again, every day. I am still enjoying the blogging and it is certainly summer because this morning every blog I checked that I normally read had nothing new to day. Everyone of them! So......that tells me everyone is enjoying the outdoors and vacationing and taking time off.

Praise God my brother-in-law was able to go to work yesterday and actually stayed until the afternoon. He is doing well. Thank you Lord for this encouraging time for them. I ask for more good days than bad. They have had enough bad.

Sunday, then Monday

Wow! That is one word to describe how Sunday went. I was a little nervous about my sis and her husband going to services with us for the first time since the merge. But I can say now that it was a good thing.

I am proud of what we are doing. I am assured, at least by them, that we seem to be doing things well. That always helps.

It was a very emotional service. The minister did the Daddy's song sermon. He did a great job. We were all okay until someone went forward for their wayward child. Then it began to happen. When I put my arm around my sis, she lost it and so did T. That is the first time I have seen or heard him cry for his lost son.

You see, his son is not lost in the deaths sense but in the lost spiritual sense. Their son, my nephew has chosen to live his life in contradiction to everything he was raised to believe. He has chosen to denounce his family and have not contact with them. My heart aches for my sis but my heart aches for lost D. I pray for him often and I need to pray for him more.

There were tears today, but there was a connection today. It was a great service.

Company has gone home today. We have laughed, cried and enjoyed our time and now we have to get back to a routine for another week. Have a great week! I will.

The Lord's Day

Sunday! The Lord's Day. The day we meet with our brothers and sisters in Christ and worship the heavenly father in a more dedicated and formal way. I say this as I am exploring the reason, the whys and wherefores of corporate worship.

I have concluded not to call the time worship time, as I am trying to make every momont of time my worship to God. I don't like to call it church, because people are the church, not a building. So I am trying to conclude in my own mind exactly what to call this time where we meet as a family. Family time! Hummmmm, has possibility.

This will be the first time my sis and her husband have gone to services with us since the merger. It will be interesting to hear feedback from an "outsider", an open but cofc outsider.

Will let you know how today goes.

Reading!

I am now reading a book by Cecil Hook, actually, he only put it together. The book is really written by Leroy Garrett and Carl Ketcherside. It is about "our" heritage in the cofc.

There are several things in this book that have spoken to me. The realization that the restoration movement was much like today in that there were opinions being stated as "scriptural" and people used their own beliefs and interpretations to judge others' standing with God. Nothing new under the sun! Yet, they pursued to change things. One statement Garrett makes concerning Thomas Campbell towards the end of chapter 2 is that Thomas set forth unity principles. "The church, he insisted, is by its very nature one, and cannot help but be one, if it be God's church." There is no truer statement and yet it seems to be hard to accomplish and learn. If only we could come to some understanding of this statement!

Another statement in chapter 3 which caught my eye was Campbell's thesis which stated, "private opinions are not to be made the basis of Christian communion." It readily conceded that there would be differences of opinion in interpreting the scriptures, and this would not be discouraged. "Opinions are private property, and a man was entitled to as many as he desired. But he was not to make his opinion a test of fellowship or make his own interpretations a means of judging others."

These two statements are large to me. This is the crux in my mind as to what is happening in the cofc today, which is turning people out rather than bringing them in. We must make certain it is God who decides who is in or out, not us. Ketcherside's mantra became "Wherever God has a child, I have a brother or sister." And when asked about accepting "brothers in error", he would reply, "That is the only kind of brothers I have!"

We are all sinners and we should all be searching. The minute I think I have arrived, I think I have failed. So come along with me on this journey down the searching path and I would love to hear what you think about these musings and other topics.

Down Time is Good!

With my sister and her husband here, we have had a lot of down time. We won't be going anywhere and we have to stay pretty calm and quiet. So.....we have sat and talked and talked and talked. It has been good. My sister and I have caught up on many things and that is a good thing.

I went this morning and picked more blueberries. When I arrived back home, T and C were sitting on the porch. C had just gotten up and come outside. It was a cool morning and we enjoyed staying out there for some time. I then came back in and made homemade blueberry muffins. I think we have one left! They were good!

The kids came over this afternoon, took naps and then the little girls went swimming. Later we had a lot of fun just talking and enjoying watching the girls play.

I think I will be ready to do something tomorrow and so we might go rent a movie. Of course, just being is a good thing!

And it is important to be with someone who has trouble being anymore. You see, my brother-in-law has some health issues and we have to think of what we do and how we do it to accomodate him. It is worth it, though and I will do that any time they want to come. They really came here to rest and get some relaxation. So.....that is what we are doing. Life is good.

Took The Test!

Well, I took the test as well. That is the spiritual/religious test out there on some of the blogs. I came back as a Methodist! That was a surprise. I was secondly emergent/post modern. That didn't surprise me. I guess I have just enough old teaching in me to keep stricter, but want the freedom from emergent! Who knows. I just know it was interesting to take and I didn't even know some of the persons it listed as important. I plan to look them up and check them out. Maybe they are important and I just didn't know it!?! Naaaaaaa~!

I am excited about my sister and her husband are coming for a visit. It will be good to visit and play and just be. It is too hot to do too much but we will have fun watching movies and talking and I hope my sis and I get some alone time. I think we will go pick more blueberries in the morning. If you read my blog you will know I am a blueberry fan. I have several bags in the freezer, but I go through them pretty often. They are so sweet and delicious in cereal. If they are frozen and you put them in the cereal, they keep your milk so cold and it is great! Anyway, I am happy they are coming. Pray for T as he has a hard time with travel.

I heard from "future" family again. It was good to hear from L and I want to write back again. It was good to hear that she is positive about the future as well. I think we both have the same "sense" and it will be fun to visit on line and get to know each other well.

I have to work today. I say have to because I only work two days a week. It is not much but it is surprising how dependent we have become on that little income. I guess it is true that you live on what you make. The more you make, the more you spend! I will be out for two weeks starting the end of June and it worries me some that we might get behind, but I thought yesterday, I just have to trust! I planned this vacation, I am going and having a good time and we will worry about the income later. Besides, I don't have much to do at work.

If you know of a good resource for Alzheimer's knowledge, let me know. My boss' wife is in the beginning of the last stages, I think, of Alzheimers. She is getting worse every day. I am suppose to help the household employees help her! I'm not real sure what I am suppose to do. I feel helpless. How do you stand there when your 78 year old boss comes to you and his eyes start to redden and he tells you she is now forgetting little things like setting the table! All I could say was "I'm so sorry". And I am. How do you fight a disease that allows you to forget how to do such simple things! It is mind boggling and very scary. So, I will go to work today and wonder exactly what I am suppose to do. But I think I will be spending a lot of time researching on how best to help him.

If you are interested in taking the spiritual/religious test, here is the link. Good luck and let me know what your results are! It could be fun to try other answers and see where you end up!
Take care, and live life to the fullest.

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=43870

Company coming!

I have told my children often not to assume anything. Assumptions can get you in trouble. I can think of so many times when I have been disappointed only because I made an assumption.

Specfically, I can remember going to my folks for vacation or a visit and making an assumption that certain things would happen. When these certain things did not happen or happened differently than I imagined, I was disappointed. I have learned over the years to not make assumptions. But I find I am still making assumptions!

I assumed in my mind the reason T & C were not coming! I assumed in my mind it would be best for them. Yet when C called yesterday, she was confused. She thought, or assumed, she had told me they were coming unless she called. I heard, or assumed, she didn't think they would be coming! Was this a lack of communication or what?!? Anyway, our plans for the weekend have changed again and we are expecting company. I am excited they are coming!

But this gets me to thinking/assuming? How many times have I taken scripture and made my own assumptions? Maybe a scripture or teaching I have heard all my life and make assumptions because of this! Is interpretation an assumption? Can I really interpret the mind of God? What do I do with what I read? Got me to thinking!

I pray that I make less assumptions about scripture and look at each reading with an ah ha experience.

Feeling Better!

It is amazing how being on antibiotics one day can make a hugh difference. I started them yesterday after visiting the endodontist. I have to have tooth surgery in July. Not looking forward to that, but want to keep the tooth.

Found a great quote on wade hodges blog this morning. ” we were betrayed into adoption of the fallacious philosophy that purity of doctrine can only be preserved by separation.” I had to read it several times before it made any sense, but I agree with it whole heartedly. I think it is part of the exclusivity problem we have found in our church life for a long time and are finally breaking out of. I want to break out of it anyway. My only problem in breaking out of the exclusivity problem is accepting too much. This has been a question on here before. How much can we accept without losing what we have? This is a problem for me and I am still struggling with it. I want to preserve what I need to, but accept all I can. There is a fine line and I know I will never have it perfected, but I want to keep trying.

May the God of peace bless you and yours today.

Medication not the Cure!

I have been put on new medication recently to control my cholesterol. It was too high my last visit, especially the bad cholesterol so they put me on some medication. At first, I didn't think too much about it, but today I am calling the PA. The medication has affected me in two very significant ways.

First, I am so tired. I just want to sleep. This is different than the depressed feeling I had several years ago. This is pure fatigue. If I do any work outside or even on my working days of Tuesday and Thursday, I come home and fall asleep in the chair. That is really unusual for me. For instance, I had a nap yesterday afternoon, a good one of at least an hour. Then went to bed at the usual time last night and slept all night. We were determined to walk this morning, that is last night anyway. This morning, I could not wake up. Tollie asked if was ready and I said sure and snored before getting it out. He finally got up to shower and dress and said he was ready to go, but I never heard him. He had to come over and shake me awake to kiss me good bye. This is not normal and I don't like it.

Second, I am so impatient with everything. I have come to be mellow and enjoy life and now I find myself getting impatient, especially with the g-girls. This is not acceptable. So, last night, I did not take my medication and I will not take any more. I will call the PA today and either try another medication or just not take medication for this problem. The cure was worse than the disease! I know now how my brother-in-law feels!

I also have to call the dentist because my tooth has flared up again. I think I am falling apart. We will try to walk this evening. It wasn't too bad last night, as far as the heat. It is dryer and that helps. I would rather walk everyday and try to control my cholesterol that way than taking the medication.

I believe today will be an expensive day! Bring out the checkbook.

Not much!

There is not much to write about this morning. I am getting ready for worship. I hate to say church. I think we have given the church a wrong impression to the outside world by calling worship services church. WE are the church, not the building, not the worship service. We are the church doing worship. But I believe the world believes the church is the building or organization where the worship takes place.

I have learned in the last couple of years that worship is not confined to what we do on Sunday mornings. This is the organized time for us to get together but our worship to God is what we do every minute of our lives. Sometimes it is worship to God and sometimes it is worship to our jobs, hobbies, sin, kids, another person, etc. worship is how we live and breathe and what we do every moment of our lives. Sunday morning is just our time to gather with other saints and share what our worship has been up to that time. So when I say I am going to worship, then I am wrong, also. What can we call Sunday morning? It is a worship time, but if I am worshipping all the time in what I do, then I need a different description for this time on Sunday morning. Maybe, just Sunday morning service.

Thanks for reading my ranting this morning. I am going to go get ready to go to meet with other saints and have a worship time at the building we own and see my brothers and sisters in Christ!

E-mails

Who ever thought e-mails could brighten up your day! They do though. I know when I heard from Holly, it really brightened my day. Just knowing someone else cared enough to spend some time reading what you have written and then to respond. That means a lot to me, anyway. Thank you, Holly. I hope to write to you periodically and become better acquainted.

I also received an e-mail from my daughter's boyfriend's mother! Get that?!? Anyway, I am looking forward to getting to know her through e-mails, since they live several states away. And when you are in the armpit of Texas it takes a while to get across this state, much less other states! So.....it will be fun to have new acquaintances.

Saturday has become a real down day for us. It seems to be the day where we can just enjoy doing what we enjoy doing. For me, it may mean sitting and watching some old movies and cross stitching, especially during the heat of the day. Tollie enjoys working on his computer and learning his new programs. We have learned to try to get the "have to" things done during the week and then have this down day. I think it started when he was doing the power point for Sunday and it would take most of the day, so we had to get things done during the week for him to have that time. Now that he doesn't have to do that anymore, since our merge, we have this day for ourselves. We plan to enjoy today and hope you have a great "down" day.

Ready for Vacation

I am ready for our vacation. It is not until July, but I realize I am ready today. We had thought some great friends of ours was coming today for several days but they had to postpone. Family was coming next weekend, but I don't see them coming. If T is feeling better, they will not want to chance him getting sick again, but if he is still so sick, they will not be able to come. So.....I don't see them coming.

Maybe I am just ready for a change. I have decided that I like change. I do better with change. There are some things that I like to stay the same every day, but for the most part, I like change. It is a good thing, because life seems to be ever changing.

I have the g-girls with me today. Mom and dad are working, mom on Sunday class stuff and dad at the youth stuff. They are suppose to be taking a nap while I am typing this, but I can hear them in their talking. Guess I will need to go and get them to be quiet.

They are so cute! As I tell them to be quiet, they just smile, knowing that their Piggy loves them and will not get on them too much! I have gotten on them more lately, because my patience has been waning lately. Not sure why, but I have about decided it is a new medication I started not long ago. It is the only thing that is different. I do love having them here. They are great to have hugs and play. They love to play and they love to be here. What more could I ask?

Not much to say today, but I feel compelled to type something and stay with this blogging. I have such bad discipline in so many areas of my life, I would like to think I could stay with something!

I did read a quote from Leory Garrett or some other person who wrote in to the editor at Christian Chronicle. We are united in Christ, not by agreement on opinions or methods. It is a Person that unites us, not theories or theology about the Person. I thought it summed up my thinking in the last few weeks.

There is a lot of great stuff to be found on the blogs and the internet. Good Stuff!

Interesting Stuff!

I start my day by reading other blogs. It is interesting to me that today there seems to a thread in several of them of faith versus culture.

I responded to one blog and will be interested to see how others respond. That is what I like about this blogging, it gives me an opportunity to respond and then see how others respond and even sometimes respond to me. Like I said before, it helps me feel connected.

I have not felt connected to much in the past. After our struggle through a church split, finding our way to a new church, merging with another church......wow, no wonder I have been disconnected! But I feel better these days and I want to continue my search to find that peace that comes from believing that what you are doing is making a difference in other people's lives and that difference is Jesus!

Back to the faith versus culture, it is being questioned on one blog as to how we have been so lucky to be in the right place at the right time to have the right interpretation of the scriptures. And if that is so, why me? I certainly don't deserve this. So, why me?

This was my response to the Cope blog:

How can I condemn someone who is only doing what I have done? That is they are only going by what they know ~ what they were brought up to believe. And even when I told my kids they must make their faith their own, they have stayed within the bounds of what we taught. So......I am like you, were we just really lucky or what?

To go along with that, then you can only be a Christian if you live in the Bible belt states?!? At least that would be the conclusion, huh? I know, in the past, I have wondered how people in other countries, who have not been as lucky as me, go to heaven? Afterall, if they have not had the correct interpretation of the scriptures, like me, then how in the world are they going to get there?

My conclusion has come for me to do the best I can in my daily walk, taking Christ to others as I go and telling them what Jesus has done for me. (Notice I didn't say what Jesus can do for them!) It is then up to them to see what Jesus can do for them. This allows God to determine who is in or out, not me. The only struggle that leaves me with is am I becoming too accepting of anything!?!

And that is my biggest question of the day ~ am I becoming too accepting?


I want to make an apology to my Mindy. I am learning about this blogging and I never mean to hurt or say something to hurt.

Today Another Day

I am still thinking of Eddie and how lonely he will be in the next few days, months and even years. But today is another day and life goes on. I was impressed by Eddie at the service last night. He is so upbeat in the midst of his pain. He says that Steph would want him to go on. That she loved life and would want him to live it to the full.

Speaking of the service......it was a sweet service, but I realize how un-catholic I really am. There was so much rote and ritual. Yet, how can I be critical of them when I am so rote and ritualistic about my religion. Tollie and I were talking last night and we decided so many of us get lost in our religion. We are so absorped by the religion that we lose sight of Jesus. I have been there, but I am trying so hard to come out of that and just speak of Jesus and let others see Jesus in my life. I have to ask myself the question often, am I focusing on something in the religion other than Jesus? If the answer is even maybe, then I need to repent and put my focus back on Jesus.

Jesus is the only answer and the only way to God. So it really doesn't matter how I worship, as long as I worship through Jesus. It doesn't matter where I work as long as I work through Jesus. It doesn't matter what my vocation, my hobbies, my interests lie.......as long as I do it all through Jesus, taking Jesus with me to others through everything I do. So long have I boxed Jesus up in the hour long service on Sunday morning. Well.......no more! I want to do everything through Jesus and in Jesus. That is where my loyalities lie and that is where my salvation comes.

God I do ask for guidance in my life through Jesus. I want others to see Jesus in everything I do, no matter how large or small, how important or insignificant. Help me find my path to the best way to accomplish this. It is new territory for me, yet I believe it with all my heart. So give me patience, strength, and wisdom.

Life is so uncertain!

I went to work this morning......not as usual. I don't usually go to work on Mondays but since Tollie was in Tyler and I had a special project going, I made the decision to go in and work. Besides it would give us some extra vacation money to spend.

But when I got to work, it was very heavy and I came in to find that a co-worker had lost his wife the night before. Just like that, in a split second. She was here one minute and gone the next. Truely. Steph had been ill for some time with some intestinal problems but had been doing real well lately. They were so encouraged. They had recently returned from a vacation, the first in many years. They had gone to Bermuda. It was a surprise to Steph and they had such a good time. She actually did well on the trip. But they both came home with a cold. Last night Steph was not feeling well and was taken to the ER. Eddie stated she was sitting there one minute and said she was not feeling well and went to lie back.....and her eyes glazed over and she was gone.

You would have suspected that Steph would have died from all the pain, the surgeries, the trouble she had with her stomach. All she had was a cold! They will know more later, but for now they think she might have had a blood clot.

I have cried a lot today. Partly for Eddie, his lonliness, sadness and complete inability to comprehend. They didn't have a church family. Eddie came to work because he knew he had family there. I have cried for the heartache the family is feeling. She was a wife, mother, sister and neice to somebody. I have cried knowing how devestated I would be if I lost Tollie. I have cried thinking of my brother who died from a blood clot. I have cried thinking of the all the wasted time I have spent in being depressed and not enjoying life. I have just cried.

Lord, please help Eddie. Give him the comfort that only you can supply. Give Tollie and me the ability and compassion to be there for Eddie, to help him in the ways he needs help. Thank you for being the God of peace and love and may we all grow closer to knowing you every day.

Vacation Plans and All Alone!

Well, we didn't get to plan the vacation as I had planned. (Too much planning, I think!) Anyway, when we got to the house after lunch, everyone was tired so we all laid down. I tried to get them to do the vacation planning first, but there was a teacher's meeting at 3:00 and not much time for a nap.

I relented and said after the meeting. Of course, after the meeting, it was then discovered another youth time for Paul and so there was no time to plan. We did talk a little and decided to go the week of July 4th, leaving the Friday before. We will only spend one night on the road before getting to grandparents. Stay there for three to four days and then to Nashville.

If anyway knows of great things to do in Nashville, let me know. I think we will try to go to Otter Creek for church. That would be a neat experience. Anyway, will then come home by way of Memphis and Arkansas. We will make one big circle. Wish Mindy could join us!

I am alone because Tollie left for Tyler today. He will be gone for three days. I always miss him. He is my strength and I feel sad when he is gone. I suggested that I go with him this morning and even said he would wait on me. But......I have too many things to do. I have laundry that is piled high. I have to clean to get ready for my company coming the end of the week and I have to finish the project for Fred at work and then finish the pictorial directory. Good thing I did not go to Tyler. It would have been hot and I would have just sat on my rear and watched movies and cross stitched. Good think I didn't go. I need to move, and get the rest of the cross stitch supplies for the next project.

Speaking of the next project.......I can't wait to get started on it. Can't say here what it is because someone might read it, (I doubt it) and would then know what I was working it. I know it will be beautiful and I am ready to have it done. My eyes are not what they use to be.

Life is full, good and God is gracious.

Vacation Plans

We are planning our vacation today. We are wanting to take a vacation with the kids, at least J & P and the piglets. We are going to sit down , decide dates, times, places to stop, when to leave and when to come home. We know we will be going to Kentucky for a few days and seeing Grandmother and Granddaddy. But other than that, we need to plan everything out. I think we will be spending some time in Nashville, at least that is what Paul wants to do. I have no problem with that, especially if they let me stop in Tusculoosa on the way and do some genealogy work. So.....we will plan later this afternoon.

We have had a great weekend with the girls. I get frustrated with myself as I tend to get impatient with them easily. I don't mean to get that way, but I find myself impatient with their demands. I am trying to remember if my girls were that demanding. Maybe they were and I just don't remember it. But I do think my piglets are too demanding sometimes. And the crying when things don't go their way! I am afraid that is becoming a habit. I am trying to break it real fast.

I am sleepy and will lie down for a few minutes.

Saturday!

It is Saturday. Tollie is out mowing and edging the yard. We have the grand-girls this weekend. J & P are in Houston with the teens. So......I have fed them and now I am doing my thing at this moment. Not sure how long it will last, but we will see.

I am a little disappointed that I have not had any response to my question. But, I have to remember that my musings are only musings where as other blogs have long standing readership. I am saddened that my own husband has not joined my band wagon. But it will not deter me from continuing on with my blogging and musings. I enjoy it too much to stop now.

I feel alive. I think after so much anger and sorrow and heartache, I have finally arrived on the other side, refreshed and alive. I think that is what the blogging has done. Connected me to others and given me some new sod. Other than my back giving me problems, (Oh dear! I have become my mother!), I have felt better and more productive. I am actually excited about some things. This has been a long time coming. I know Tollie is relieved to have me back.

I am looking forward to the next week. I think dear friends will be here for a few days and that will revive me even more! Hope to take the girls to the movies this afternoon. The weekend is getting away from me and I need to go and make great memories with my girls. (The most exciting thing to me is that one day I will have more babies to spoil!) God is good.

Grandmother Duties

Grandmother! What a job. I think God knew that as mothers we needed something improtant in our later years to help us think, grow and just be happy. Grandmothering does all that and more. I love being a grandmother. Hearing the words, Piggy, I love you, sends love all around me. Emma, my youngest, said that to me just this morning. I was feeding her breakfast from the back of the van when she looked up and said this.

Thank you God for the job you have given me and I love it. I just hope I am making good memories for the girls to take them into their adult years.

Question!

Is there a difference in:

bringing others to Jesus

and

taking Jesus to others?

By bringing are we asking them to take on our traditions and idiosyncrasies?

By taking are we allowing them the freedom to be what Jesus wants and not what we want?

Just thinking.......

Blogging

Wow! I never thought I would enjoy this blogging so much. I have heard from people I don't know, from people who I have known of in the past and from friends. I think I enjoy it because I feel so connected.

For so many years, I felt very isolated in Beaumont. I had no family here and when my church family was falling apart and separating, it was very lonely. There are times I still feel lonely and mainly from own choosing. But it is almost impossible to feel lonely these days. I have friends, making new friends and most importantly, I have my grandchildren to keep me company.

God is truly an awesome God who loves me and takes care of me. I am slowly returning to Him after so many years of anger, resentment and loneliness. The really awesome thing is that he is standing there; ready to take me back, even after my awful rudeness and anger! That is truly a God I can worship!

Family

Just read BST's blog and am pondering over it. It brought back many memories, bad memories of questions being asked that have nothing to do with the tea in china!! Just questions that want to trap! All these questioners want is to be validated in their beliefs, to prove they are right and you are wrong. To puff up their chests and say see what we know? We know the right way and I believe you are the wrong way and I want you to know it.

I responded to BST and told him basically the above. I also suggested they be responded to in questions of
1. "Why are you interested in Zoe if you have already formed your opinion as to who they are?" and
2. "Have they checked all their group's families and made sure they are not listening to the radio?"

This being said, I can't understand why so many people have to butt into other's faces and correct them when they just need to focus on their own lives and make sure they are doing the right thing! I guess that is my real deal, while they are lurking around trying to find people to correct, they are making mistakes on their own. I don't have time to check everyone else out. I have enough of my own to correct, I don't have to go find more!!! I'm glad they have it all together, because I certainly don't.

We went walking this morning and I feel really energized and ready for the day today. I hope I continue to feel better. I discovered that if I take my new medication when I get home or at supper time, then I feel better in the morning.

I plan to clean house and get ready for company this weekend.

In a Fog

I woke this morning in a fog. I have a headache and could not get up to exercise. My loving husband decided to lie with me and let me sleep, instead of getting me on my feet and out walking.

I have mixed emotions concerning that. We both have been told by the doctors we need to exercise more and we love our walks. But......why is it so hard to get up in the mornings and just go do the walk? Hummmmmm.......is there a parallel there?

It sounds easy enough, I have motivation to do it, I feel better when I do and yet......

Memorial Day

Today is a holiday. A day of remembrance.

Now I find my husband at work, my daughter on the road to Austin and my other children here, sleeping or watching TV. What are we remembering?

We did celebrate today. We had a birthday breakfast for our oldest daughter. She is now 30. I have a 30 year old? Wow, where did the time go?

Yesterday was a good day of worship. I did really get into the worship. I realize that many times I am not intense in my worship with two precious souls climbing up and down and all over me. But I found that if I prepare myself I can worship intensely. It was a good day. I look forward to more days of intense worship.

Now, if I can just remember where I put my cross stitch?

It's Sunday Again!

Wow! Here it is Sunday again! Seems only yesterday, we were at last Sunday. Where is the time going? I feel like life is rushing past me and I am standing in the mist of the swirling air as it passes.

I have felt so tired lately but think I have finally figured out what is causing my tiredness. So...maybe the next week will be better for me.

We got rain yesterday and it has already rained today. Thank you God. I have been asking for rain. My yard was about to blow away and I have watered and watered. But it has not helped that much. The faucet water keeps my plants from wilting totally away, but it is amazing to me to see my plants perk up when the rain comes, even a little. It is like they just open up their hearts and let the rain in.

I just made a comment on Neal Whitlow's blog concerning his comments on worship. He was saying he wished we could have worship that was boring. Boring in the sense that the people worshipping were so intense in their worship that others looking on would think it was boring. I agreed with him that I thought it would be good worship but hard to see it happening because we are Americans. We want our cups filled right now! It is hard to wait on the type of worship he was describing.

I think about the rain and how we can pretend to worship all day long. Like the plants with the faucet water, it might keep us from wilting but would we really open up with an intense worship from the heart that did not look at clocks and did not repeat rote prayers! Would we, like the plants, open up more to God? I think we would. I would like to try it......and I think I will be more conscious this morning as I worship to not think about the things around me but to really be intense in my worship.

I will let you know how it affected my worship this morning. Have a great day in the Lord!

Memorial Day Weekend

What do I remember most? I don't have many memories of war times. I know my dad and mother married during WWII and they struggled through a lot of financial times because of it. My husband has never gone to the military. My boss was in the Korean war. I don't have many friends in the military. Only one friend that I know of in Iraq now, Scotty.

So.....thank you to all the men and women who have sacrificed for my large living and fun life. I know that my personal freedoms come from those who have decided to fight for this country and all that we stand for. Sometimes I wonder what we really stand for anymore. But I am still thankful for their courage and persistance in keeping our country whole.

Freedom is a tricky thing and I think the more we grow in this century and country the more it will question what is my freedom and your rights. Freedom allows me to do many things but human responsibility should outweigh my freedom every time! I think we are losing responsibility and just plain common sense in this country. We have become a nation who desires so much that we are willing to put aside common sense and responsibility.

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

Blueberry picking time!

I picked blueberries this morning. Two friends from work and I got up early, at least earlier than usual and went to a nearby blueberry farm and picked berries. I had come prepared with mosquito cloths and plastic gloves. I was afraid our fingers would be blue after picking and the two were going to have to go to work. They thought it was a great idea. I thought so too. It seemed easier to pick the blueberries with the gloves on.

I got a gallon and also bought some recipes and honey. I am anxious to use the blueberries in a recipe. I think I will begin by making some muffins. Mindy will be here tomorrow night and I also plan to make some cinnamon rolls this afternoon.

I need to go to Abilene to help move Gina but I really can't afford to go right now. I need the money from work. She understands and will be here soon, but my heart is there in Abilene this weekend. Probably we will have a quiet weekend. The girls are coming over tomorrow, I am sure, to swim and I guess they will spend the night. We will have them next weekend, too as Jamie and Paul are going out of town with the teens. Life just continues to roll on.

Thanks you God for lives little presents and I appreciate so much how much you do for me and my familiy. Thank you Lord for every blessing.

I have to find a new hobby!

I have spent the last hour reading blogs and trying to figure out what the Emergent group is all about. In some aspects it is interesting to me and in others it is frightening. I will continue to read and find out all I can but I think the most frightening part is that it encompasses all people. I would consider some of them unchurched, but they talk like they are a part of a church. Certainly no church I relate to!

Anyway, I will continue to search out and read the blogs. I would like to know more and understand more and I am trying hard to fit my needs to what is going on in the world. If that makes sense!?!

I'm Learning

I responded to Mike Cope's blog yesterday or the day before and felt pretty good at what I wrote. But then today, when I went back to his blog, he sort of downed what I had written. I know he didn't mean it personally, but he didn't get the essence of what I was saying. The blog was concerning the t-shirt he saw in a family resturant which had profanity on it and wanted to know what our stance should be on the subject. I think he phrased it as what is our community responsibility? He got all sorts of responses, some negative, some positive, but I think my disappointment was the fact he overlooked or did not see what I was saying. I guess in reality that is not his fault, but mine alone. I am not able to write what I am thinking. My point was that what is someone else's freedom may infringe in my rights. Where do we draw the line? Who is the dictator of that? In our minds it should be God, but the world does not recognize him, so where do go from there? Obviously, we are not all on the same page. But isn't that what Christianity and warfare into the darkness is all about? We can shelter our selves from the darkenss all day long, but we are still of the world. It is all around us and at some point, we are not able to shelter ourselves or our children any more. I think someone on the blog had the right idea that we need to be particular in teaching our children to protect themselves and give the tools to combat all this. It is like us telling our girls to look for the right mate, but more importantly, be the right mate. We need to tell our children to watch for danger, but more importantly be prepared for the danger.

That is what I was trying to say yesterday. I gave the example that my dad will not even watch TV or a movie if a curse word is spoken. He just shuts himself out. I don't want to do that but to enable myself to arm against it. Be ready for it. If I never allow it to hit, then how can I be prepared for when the strong one comes. It is like a vaccine. Given in small doses it doesn't inflict the germ and we become immune. But there is danger in that immunity also. So, it is a fight to become injected in small doses to prepare for the big fight and not become totally immune. Hmmmmmm.......How do we do that? How do we accept others and still stay true to our convictions? How do we take small doses of wrong to prepare us for the big war but not become complacent? These are thoughts to ponder.

Mindy may come home this weekend. I hope so. I am ready for another dose of her smile. I want to hear more about Trent and see her light up when she talks about him.

The kids will be out of school this week. I know they are ready and I hope the summer is good for them and doesn't go by so fast they cannot enjoy it.

Life is getting interesting

Our second daughter, Mindy, is in her early twenties. Old? Certainly not. But much older than I was when I married. She is the same age as her sister was when she married, or a little older anyway.

But I think we have finally arrived! We met her beau a couple of weeks ago and we really like him. Trent is a godly, wonderful young man just starting his career of ministry. He is the associate minister of a Union Christian church. A denomination I had never heard of but seems to be okay. Of course, that is hard to say since I have never been to one of their assemblies and I try to never judge someone else's family without being at least a visitor to that family.

That is one of my pet peeves, by the way, for people to judge and complain or gossip about a group of church members. If they are not a part of them, how would they know and why do they care? Anyway, Trent is starting his new job next week and I wish him well and want to give him lots of encouragement as he starts his new job.

How do I feel about my daughter being the wife of a minister of a Union Christian church? I'm not sure yet. Of course, he has not formally asked her but I think we knew this was coming early on......certainly before they admitted they were in love. I could see the differences in this relationship as compared to others. Mindy was allowing Trent to make all the moves. A big change for her. She was known as "make out Mindy" as a teen. And she seemed to make all the moves and choices for her last relationship, which ended badly, I might add. She will tell you herself that she cries when she thinks how toxic the relationship was. She had red flags all the time, but ignored them or just didn't want to see them. Fortunately, there have no red flags, no flags at all, to my knowledge. She is so confident and happy! That is the real change. She is not second guessing what is happening, she knows because they are talking and exchanging ideas and hopes and dreams. They are honest with their feelings and tell each other what is going on. That is a real change for her. I told her the other morning, "that is what real love is about" sharing and being able to be yourself. Her smile widened even more.

I think the best part is our family loves Trent and she knows it. So....she doesn't have to justify his actions to us. She can relax and know that we will get to know him in our time. I am so happy his family loved our Mindy, too. Of course, I knew they would.

Love is a happy time and young love, growing and changing and developing is happy to watch. Makes me re-think our love and want to refreshen it!

Have a happy, lovely day.