E-mails

Who ever thought e-mails could brighten up your day! They do though. I know when I heard from Holly, it really brightened my day. Just knowing someone else cared enough to spend some time reading what you have written and then to respond. That means a lot to me, anyway. Thank you, Holly. I hope to write to you periodically and become better acquainted.

I also received an e-mail from my daughter's boyfriend's mother! Get that?!? Anyway, I am looking forward to getting to know her through e-mails, since they live several states away. And when you are in the armpit of Texas it takes a while to get across this state, much less other states! So.....it will be fun to have new acquaintances.

Saturday has become a real down day for us. It seems to be the day where we can just enjoy doing what we enjoy doing. For me, it may mean sitting and watching some old movies and cross stitching, especially during the heat of the day. Tollie enjoys working on his computer and learning his new programs. We have learned to try to get the "have to" things done during the week and then have this down day. I think it started when he was doing the power point for Sunday and it would take most of the day, so we had to get things done during the week for him to have that time. Now that he doesn't have to do that anymore, since our merge, we have this day for ourselves. We plan to enjoy today and hope you have a great "down" day.

Ready for Vacation

I am ready for our vacation. It is not until July, but I realize I am ready today. We had thought some great friends of ours was coming today for several days but they had to postpone. Family was coming next weekend, but I don't see them coming. If T is feeling better, they will not want to chance him getting sick again, but if he is still so sick, they will not be able to come. So.....I don't see them coming.

Maybe I am just ready for a change. I have decided that I like change. I do better with change. There are some things that I like to stay the same every day, but for the most part, I like change. It is a good thing, because life seems to be ever changing.

I have the g-girls with me today. Mom and dad are working, mom on Sunday class stuff and dad at the youth stuff. They are suppose to be taking a nap while I am typing this, but I can hear them in their talking. Guess I will need to go and get them to be quiet.

They are so cute! As I tell them to be quiet, they just smile, knowing that their Piggy loves them and will not get on them too much! I have gotten on them more lately, because my patience has been waning lately. Not sure why, but I have about decided it is a new medication I started not long ago. It is the only thing that is different. I do love having them here. They are great to have hugs and play. They love to play and they love to be here. What more could I ask?

Not much to say today, but I feel compelled to type something and stay with this blogging. I have such bad discipline in so many areas of my life, I would like to think I could stay with something!

I did read a quote from Leory Garrett or some other person who wrote in to the editor at Christian Chronicle. We are united in Christ, not by agreement on opinions or methods. It is a Person that unites us, not theories or theology about the Person. I thought it summed up my thinking in the last few weeks.

There is a lot of great stuff to be found on the blogs and the internet. Good Stuff!

Interesting Stuff!

I start my day by reading other blogs. It is interesting to me that today there seems to a thread in several of them of faith versus culture.

I responded to one blog and will be interested to see how others respond. That is what I like about this blogging, it gives me an opportunity to respond and then see how others respond and even sometimes respond to me. Like I said before, it helps me feel connected.

I have not felt connected to much in the past. After our struggle through a church split, finding our way to a new church, merging with another church......wow, no wonder I have been disconnected! But I feel better these days and I want to continue my search to find that peace that comes from believing that what you are doing is making a difference in other people's lives and that difference is Jesus!

Back to the faith versus culture, it is being questioned on one blog as to how we have been so lucky to be in the right place at the right time to have the right interpretation of the scriptures. And if that is so, why me? I certainly don't deserve this. So, why me?

This was my response to the Cope blog:

How can I condemn someone who is only doing what I have done? That is they are only going by what they know ~ what they were brought up to believe. And even when I told my kids they must make their faith their own, they have stayed within the bounds of what we taught. So......I am like you, were we just really lucky or what?

To go along with that, then you can only be a Christian if you live in the Bible belt states?!? At least that would be the conclusion, huh? I know, in the past, I have wondered how people in other countries, who have not been as lucky as me, go to heaven? Afterall, if they have not had the correct interpretation of the scriptures, like me, then how in the world are they going to get there?

My conclusion has come for me to do the best I can in my daily walk, taking Christ to others as I go and telling them what Jesus has done for me. (Notice I didn't say what Jesus can do for them!) It is then up to them to see what Jesus can do for them. This allows God to determine who is in or out, not me. The only struggle that leaves me with is am I becoming too accepting of anything!?!

And that is my biggest question of the day ~ am I becoming too accepting?


I want to make an apology to my Mindy. I am learning about this blogging and I never mean to hurt or say something to hurt.

Today Another Day

I am still thinking of Eddie and how lonely he will be in the next few days, months and even years. But today is another day and life goes on. I was impressed by Eddie at the service last night. He is so upbeat in the midst of his pain. He says that Steph would want him to go on. That she loved life and would want him to live it to the full.

Speaking of the service......it was a sweet service, but I realize how un-catholic I really am. There was so much rote and ritual. Yet, how can I be critical of them when I am so rote and ritualistic about my religion. Tollie and I were talking last night and we decided so many of us get lost in our religion. We are so absorped by the religion that we lose sight of Jesus. I have been there, but I am trying so hard to come out of that and just speak of Jesus and let others see Jesus in my life. I have to ask myself the question often, am I focusing on something in the religion other than Jesus? If the answer is even maybe, then I need to repent and put my focus back on Jesus.

Jesus is the only answer and the only way to God. So it really doesn't matter how I worship, as long as I worship through Jesus. It doesn't matter where I work as long as I work through Jesus. It doesn't matter what my vocation, my hobbies, my interests lie.......as long as I do it all through Jesus, taking Jesus with me to others through everything I do. So long have I boxed Jesus up in the hour long service on Sunday morning. Well.......no more! I want to do everything through Jesus and in Jesus. That is where my loyalities lie and that is where my salvation comes.

God I do ask for guidance in my life through Jesus. I want others to see Jesus in everything I do, no matter how large or small, how important or insignificant. Help me find my path to the best way to accomplish this. It is new territory for me, yet I believe it with all my heart. So give me patience, strength, and wisdom.

Life is so uncertain!

I went to work this morning......not as usual. I don't usually go to work on Mondays but since Tollie was in Tyler and I had a special project going, I made the decision to go in and work. Besides it would give us some extra vacation money to spend.

But when I got to work, it was very heavy and I came in to find that a co-worker had lost his wife the night before. Just like that, in a split second. She was here one minute and gone the next. Truely. Steph had been ill for some time with some intestinal problems but had been doing real well lately. They were so encouraged. They had recently returned from a vacation, the first in many years. They had gone to Bermuda. It was a surprise to Steph and they had such a good time. She actually did well on the trip. But they both came home with a cold. Last night Steph was not feeling well and was taken to the ER. Eddie stated she was sitting there one minute and said she was not feeling well and went to lie back.....and her eyes glazed over and she was gone.

You would have suspected that Steph would have died from all the pain, the surgeries, the trouble she had with her stomach. All she had was a cold! They will know more later, but for now they think she might have had a blood clot.

I have cried a lot today. Partly for Eddie, his lonliness, sadness and complete inability to comprehend. They didn't have a church family. Eddie came to work because he knew he had family there. I have cried for the heartache the family is feeling. She was a wife, mother, sister and neice to somebody. I have cried knowing how devestated I would be if I lost Tollie. I have cried thinking of my brother who died from a blood clot. I have cried thinking of the all the wasted time I have spent in being depressed and not enjoying life. I have just cried.

Lord, please help Eddie. Give him the comfort that only you can supply. Give Tollie and me the ability and compassion to be there for Eddie, to help him in the ways he needs help. Thank you for being the God of peace and love and may we all grow closer to knowing you every day.

Vacation Plans and All Alone!

Well, we didn't get to plan the vacation as I had planned. (Too much planning, I think!) Anyway, when we got to the house after lunch, everyone was tired so we all laid down. I tried to get them to do the vacation planning first, but there was a teacher's meeting at 3:00 and not much time for a nap.

I relented and said after the meeting. Of course, after the meeting, it was then discovered another youth time for Paul and so there was no time to plan. We did talk a little and decided to go the week of July 4th, leaving the Friday before. We will only spend one night on the road before getting to grandparents. Stay there for three to four days and then to Nashville.

If anyway knows of great things to do in Nashville, let me know. I think we will try to go to Otter Creek for church. That would be a neat experience. Anyway, will then come home by way of Memphis and Arkansas. We will make one big circle. Wish Mindy could join us!

I am alone because Tollie left for Tyler today. He will be gone for three days. I always miss him. He is my strength and I feel sad when he is gone. I suggested that I go with him this morning and even said he would wait on me. But......I have too many things to do. I have laundry that is piled high. I have to clean to get ready for my company coming the end of the week and I have to finish the project for Fred at work and then finish the pictorial directory. Good thing I did not go to Tyler. It would have been hot and I would have just sat on my rear and watched movies and cross stitched. Good think I didn't go. I need to move, and get the rest of the cross stitch supplies for the next project.

Speaking of the next project.......I can't wait to get started on it. Can't say here what it is because someone might read it, (I doubt it) and would then know what I was working it. I know it will be beautiful and I am ready to have it done. My eyes are not what they use to be.

Life is full, good and God is gracious.

Vacation Plans

We are planning our vacation today. We are wanting to take a vacation with the kids, at least J & P and the piglets. We are going to sit down , decide dates, times, places to stop, when to leave and when to come home. We know we will be going to Kentucky for a few days and seeing Grandmother and Granddaddy. But other than that, we need to plan everything out. I think we will be spending some time in Nashville, at least that is what Paul wants to do. I have no problem with that, especially if they let me stop in Tusculoosa on the way and do some genealogy work. So.....we will plan later this afternoon.

We have had a great weekend with the girls. I get frustrated with myself as I tend to get impatient with them easily. I don't mean to get that way, but I find myself impatient with their demands. I am trying to remember if my girls were that demanding. Maybe they were and I just don't remember it. But I do think my piglets are too demanding sometimes. And the crying when things don't go their way! I am afraid that is becoming a habit. I am trying to break it real fast.

I am sleepy and will lie down for a few minutes.

Saturday!

It is Saturday. Tollie is out mowing and edging the yard. We have the grand-girls this weekend. J & P are in Houston with the teens. So......I have fed them and now I am doing my thing at this moment. Not sure how long it will last, but we will see.

I am a little disappointed that I have not had any response to my question. But, I have to remember that my musings are only musings where as other blogs have long standing readership. I am saddened that my own husband has not joined my band wagon. But it will not deter me from continuing on with my blogging and musings. I enjoy it too much to stop now.

I feel alive. I think after so much anger and sorrow and heartache, I have finally arrived on the other side, refreshed and alive. I think that is what the blogging has done. Connected me to others and given me some new sod. Other than my back giving me problems, (Oh dear! I have become my mother!), I have felt better and more productive. I am actually excited about some things. This has been a long time coming. I know Tollie is relieved to have me back.

I am looking forward to the next week. I think dear friends will be here for a few days and that will revive me even more! Hope to take the girls to the movies this afternoon. The weekend is getting away from me and I need to go and make great memories with my girls. (The most exciting thing to me is that one day I will have more babies to spoil!) God is good.

Grandmother Duties

Grandmother! What a job. I think God knew that as mothers we needed something improtant in our later years to help us think, grow and just be happy. Grandmothering does all that and more. I love being a grandmother. Hearing the words, Piggy, I love you, sends love all around me. Emma, my youngest, said that to me just this morning. I was feeding her breakfast from the back of the van when she looked up and said this.

Thank you God for the job you have given me and I love it. I just hope I am making good memories for the girls to take them into their adult years.

Question!

Is there a difference in:

bringing others to Jesus

and

taking Jesus to others?

By bringing are we asking them to take on our traditions and idiosyncrasies?

By taking are we allowing them the freedom to be what Jesus wants and not what we want?

Just thinking.......

Blogging

Wow! I never thought I would enjoy this blogging so much. I have heard from people I don't know, from people who I have known of in the past and from friends. I think I enjoy it because I feel so connected.

For so many years, I felt very isolated in Beaumont. I had no family here and when my church family was falling apart and separating, it was very lonely. There are times I still feel lonely and mainly from own choosing. But it is almost impossible to feel lonely these days. I have friends, making new friends and most importantly, I have my grandchildren to keep me company.

God is truly an awesome God who loves me and takes care of me. I am slowly returning to Him after so many years of anger, resentment and loneliness. The really awesome thing is that he is standing there; ready to take me back, even after my awful rudeness and anger! That is truly a God I can worship!

Family

Just read BST's blog and am pondering over it. It brought back many memories, bad memories of questions being asked that have nothing to do with the tea in china!! Just questions that want to trap! All these questioners want is to be validated in their beliefs, to prove they are right and you are wrong. To puff up their chests and say see what we know? We know the right way and I believe you are the wrong way and I want you to know it.

I responded to BST and told him basically the above. I also suggested they be responded to in questions of
1. "Why are you interested in Zoe if you have already formed your opinion as to who they are?" and
2. "Have they checked all their group's families and made sure they are not listening to the radio?"

This being said, I can't understand why so many people have to butt into other's faces and correct them when they just need to focus on their own lives and make sure they are doing the right thing! I guess that is my real deal, while they are lurking around trying to find people to correct, they are making mistakes on their own. I don't have time to check everyone else out. I have enough of my own to correct, I don't have to go find more!!! I'm glad they have it all together, because I certainly don't.

We went walking this morning and I feel really energized and ready for the day today. I hope I continue to feel better. I discovered that if I take my new medication when I get home or at supper time, then I feel better in the morning.

I plan to clean house and get ready for company this weekend.

In a Fog

I woke this morning in a fog. I have a headache and could not get up to exercise. My loving husband decided to lie with me and let me sleep, instead of getting me on my feet and out walking.

I have mixed emotions concerning that. We both have been told by the doctors we need to exercise more and we love our walks. But......why is it so hard to get up in the mornings and just go do the walk? Hummmmmm.......is there a parallel there?

It sounds easy enough, I have motivation to do it, I feel better when I do and yet......

Memorial Day

Today is a holiday. A day of remembrance.

Now I find my husband at work, my daughter on the road to Austin and my other children here, sleeping or watching TV. What are we remembering?

We did celebrate today. We had a birthday breakfast for our oldest daughter. She is now 30. I have a 30 year old? Wow, where did the time go?

Yesterday was a good day of worship. I did really get into the worship. I realize that many times I am not intense in my worship with two precious souls climbing up and down and all over me. But I found that if I prepare myself I can worship intensely. It was a good day. I look forward to more days of intense worship.

Now, if I can just remember where I put my cross stitch?

It's Sunday Again!

Wow! Here it is Sunday again! Seems only yesterday, we were at last Sunday. Where is the time going? I feel like life is rushing past me and I am standing in the mist of the swirling air as it passes.

I have felt so tired lately but think I have finally figured out what is causing my tiredness. So...maybe the next week will be better for me.

We got rain yesterday and it has already rained today. Thank you God. I have been asking for rain. My yard was about to blow away and I have watered and watered. But it has not helped that much. The faucet water keeps my plants from wilting totally away, but it is amazing to me to see my plants perk up when the rain comes, even a little. It is like they just open up their hearts and let the rain in.

I just made a comment on Neal Whitlow's blog concerning his comments on worship. He was saying he wished we could have worship that was boring. Boring in the sense that the people worshipping were so intense in their worship that others looking on would think it was boring. I agreed with him that I thought it would be good worship but hard to see it happening because we are Americans. We want our cups filled right now! It is hard to wait on the type of worship he was describing.

I think about the rain and how we can pretend to worship all day long. Like the plants with the faucet water, it might keep us from wilting but would we really open up with an intense worship from the heart that did not look at clocks and did not repeat rote prayers! Would we, like the plants, open up more to God? I think we would. I would like to try it......and I think I will be more conscious this morning as I worship to not think about the things around me but to really be intense in my worship.

I will let you know how it affected my worship this morning. Have a great day in the Lord!

Memorial Day Weekend

What do I remember most? I don't have many memories of war times. I know my dad and mother married during WWII and they struggled through a lot of financial times because of it. My husband has never gone to the military. My boss was in the Korean war. I don't have many friends in the military. Only one friend that I know of in Iraq now, Scotty.

So.....thank you to all the men and women who have sacrificed for my large living and fun life. I know that my personal freedoms come from those who have decided to fight for this country and all that we stand for. Sometimes I wonder what we really stand for anymore. But I am still thankful for their courage and persistance in keeping our country whole.

Freedom is a tricky thing and I think the more we grow in this century and country the more it will question what is my freedom and your rights. Freedom allows me to do many things but human responsibility should outweigh my freedom every time! I think we are losing responsibility and just plain common sense in this country. We have become a nation who desires so much that we are willing to put aside common sense and responsibility.

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

Blueberry picking time!

I picked blueberries this morning. Two friends from work and I got up early, at least earlier than usual and went to a nearby blueberry farm and picked berries. I had come prepared with mosquito cloths and plastic gloves. I was afraid our fingers would be blue after picking and the two were going to have to go to work. They thought it was a great idea. I thought so too. It seemed easier to pick the blueberries with the gloves on.

I got a gallon and also bought some recipes and honey. I am anxious to use the blueberries in a recipe. I think I will begin by making some muffins. Mindy will be here tomorrow night and I also plan to make some cinnamon rolls this afternoon.

I need to go to Abilene to help move Gina but I really can't afford to go right now. I need the money from work. She understands and will be here soon, but my heart is there in Abilene this weekend. Probably we will have a quiet weekend. The girls are coming over tomorrow, I am sure, to swim and I guess they will spend the night. We will have them next weekend, too as Jamie and Paul are going out of town with the teens. Life just continues to roll on.

Thanks you God for lives little presents and I appreciate so much how much you do for me and my familiy. Thank you Lord for every blessing.

I have to find a new hobby!

I have spent the last hour reading blogs and trying to figure out what the Emergent group is all about. In some aspects it is interesting to me and in others it is frightening. I will continue to read and find out all I can but I think the most frightening part is that it encompasses all people. I would consider some of them unchurched, but they talk like they are a part of a church. Certainly no church I relate to!

Anyway, I will continue to search out and read the blogs. I would like to know more and understand more and I am trying hard to fit my needs to what is going on in the world. If that makes sense!?!

I'm Learning

I responded to Mike Cope's blog yesterday or the day before and felt pretty good at what I wrote. But then today, when I went back to his blog, he sort of downed what I had written. I know he didn't mean it personally, but he didn't get the essence of what I was saying. The blog was concerning the t-shirt he saw in a family resturant which had profanity on it and wanted to know what our stance should be on the subject. I think he phrased it as what is our community responsibility? He got all sorts of responses, some negative, some positive, but I think my disappointment was the fact he overlooked or did not see what I was saying. I guess in reality that is not his fault, but mine alone. I am not able to write what I am thinking. My point was that what is someone else's freedom may infringe in my rights. Where do we draw the line? Who is the dictator of that? In our minds it should be God, but the world does not recognize him, so where do go from there? Obviously, we are not all on the same page. But isn't that what Christianity and warfare into the darkness is all about? We can shelter our selves from the darkenss all day long, but we are still of the world. It is all around us and at some point, we are not able to shelter ourselves or our children any more. I think someone on the blog had the right idea that we need to be particular in teaching our children to protect themselves and give the tools to combat all this. It is like us telling our girls to look for the right mate, but more importantly, be the right mate. We need to tell our children to watch for danger, but more importantly be prepared for the danger.

That is what I was trying to say yesterday. I gave the example that my dad will not even watch TV or a movie if a curse word is spoken. He just shuts himself out. I don't want to do that but to enable myself to arm against it. Be ready for it. If I never allow it to hit, then how can I be prepared for when the strong one comes. It is like a vaccine. Given in small doses it doesn't inflict the germ and we become immune. But there is danger in that immunity also. So, it is a fight to become injected in small doses to prepare for the big fight and not become totally immune. Hmmmmmm.......How do we do that? How do we accept others and still stay true to our convictions? How do we take small doses of wrong to prepare us for the big war but not become complacent? These are thoughts to ponder.

Mindy may come home this weekend. I hope so. I am ready for another dose of her smile. I want to hear more about Trent and see her light up when she talks about him.

The kids will be out of school this week. I know they are ready and I hope the summer is good for them and doesn't go by so fast they cannot enjoy it.

Life is getting interesting

Our second daughter, Mindy, is in her early twenties. Old? Certainly not. But much older than I was when I married. She is the same age as her sister was when she married, or a little older anyway.

But I think we have finally arrived! We met her beau a couple of weeks ago and we really like him. Trent is a godly, wonderful young man just starting his career of ministry. He is the associate minister of a Union Christian church. A denomination I had never heard of but seems to be okay. Of course, that is hard to say since I have never been to one of their assemblies and I try to never judge someone else's family without being at least a visitor to that family.

That is one of my pet peeves, by the way, for people to judge and complain or gossip about a group of church members. If they are not a part of them, how would they know and why do they care? Anyway, Trent is starting his new job next week and I wish him well and want to give him lots of encouragement as he starts his new job.

How do I feel about my daughter being the wife of a minister of a Union Christian church? I'm not sure yet. Of course, he has not formally asked her but I think we knew this was coming early on......certainly before they admitted they were in love. I could see the differences in this relationship as compared to others. Mindy was allowing Trent to make all the moves. A big change for her. She was known as "make out Mindy" as a teen. And she seemed to make all the moves and choices for her last relationship, which ended badly, I might add. She will tell you herself that she cries when she thinks how toxic the relationship was. She had red flags all the time, but ignored them or just didn't want to see them. Fortunately, there have no red flags, no flags at all, to my knowledge. She is so confident and happy! That is the real change. She is not second guessing what is happening, she knows because they are talking and exchanging ideas and hopes and dreams. They are honest with their feelings and tell each other what is going on. That is a real change for her. I told her the other morning, "that is what real love is about" sharing and being able to be yourself. Her smile widened even more.

I think the best part is our family loves Trent and she knows it. So....she doesn't have to justify his actions to us. She can relax and know that we will get to know him in our time. I am so happy his family loved our Mindy, too. Of course, I knew they would.

Love is a happy time and young love, growing and changing and developing is happy to watch. Makes me re-think our love and want to refreshen it!

Have a happy, lovely day.