I have come to a realization lately that all families are dysfunctional, including mine. It is just in degrees. I have found in the last few weeks that my family is just as dysfunctional and maybe to a degree that I had not known before.
My parents were here for a week and while I enjoyed having them here, I was ready for them to go home and allow me to get back to my routine. Yet, as I am typing this I am so near to tears. It seems that after everyone left, I am lonely and tired and out of sorts. I don't really know what to think, except I keep thinking of the things I should have discussed and talked about and what I would have said if they had said this or that! So my mind keeps working and working until I get so tired I can't think anymore and then something else pops up that I should have said!
It is a vicious cycle. I know Tollie gets tired of hearing my whining, especially after I confessed that I want to be more positive. You see, my mother is a very negative person. She whines and complains about everything. I see myself much like my mother and I want to be a more positive person. However, today was hard to be positive. Water is at the top level of the eyes and comes out at any given moment. There was no accapella music at church. My question then is, "have we given up on accapella and will have no more?" We are having more and more Sundays with just instrumental worship. It is as "they" have said! And then Tollie says we will eat with a group, and it turns out to be all the "other church" members and I feel a little intruding! "Our group" went someplace else and it made sense that we are still two churches trying to call ourselves one. Who are we kidding?
So, positive was not my strong point today. It may not be tomorrow either, but I will continue to work at it. This then makes me think of Dr. Laura who says don't try, just make it happen. Positive will happen tomorrow, if it kills me!
I go back to work tomorrow and I am certain that will help in getting back to a normal routine. We had a great time with family and with everyone back where they belong, we can all get back to routines.
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Peggy,
I so totally can relate to what you are saying. My mom was a lot like yours, maybe that is why they were good friends. After my dad died, my mom refused to get out and go to Game night with the seniors at church because she did not know how to play nor did she want to try. She frustrated me because she would not try to get out!
A few weeks before she died, her great-granddaughter was born, she would not go to the hospital to see the baby because it was too hard, even though we promised her a ride in a wheel-chair.
I was sad when she died, but grateful she was on the other side, she grieved herself to death for my dad.
Just love your mom for who she is and refuse to be like her. That is my mantra.
Glad you are back home safe and sound!
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